Imagine spending your lunch break browsing through LinkedIn and seeing that a former classmate just received a promotion at their job. Then, you see that someone else in your network started a new position at a company you’ve long dreamed of working for. You feel a little pang of jealousy even though you’ve had plenty of your own successes. But why doesn’t it feel like enough? That’s why in this post, we are exploring why success doesn’t bring happiness.

It's pretty common for people to feel this way when they are getting established in their careers.But happiness doesn’t always stem from success. And if this makes you uneasy, that’s good! It's a sign that you're starting to question what truly matters when it comes to your overall well-being.

Why Success Sometimes Feels Empty

You have been trained to strive for milestones since you were a child. During school, you were encouraged to get good grades, do well in athletic or artistic pursuits and then later, you might have been encouraged to pursue a specific career path and earn a title. The purpose of these checkpoints is to ensure that you’re living a good life. However, nobody tells you that the rush you get from meeting these milestones is fleeting. The congratulatory texts and the likes on your social media announcement posts are great but soon you might be thinking, "Okay, so what's next?"

This is referred to as the "hedonic treadmill" by psychologists. The gist of it is that you adjust to new situations more quickly than you may realize. While accomplishments raise the bar, they aren’t a measuring stick for how happy you are. Therefore, you feel like you never truly arrive despite your constant striving.

The Quest for Outside Validation

Another reason why success doesn't always bring happiness is that so much of success is dependent on what other people value. Perhaps you chose the career path that you did because it sounded impressive or because your family believed that it was the "smart" choice. Maybe you thought you would finally feel “good enough” after reaching a certain level of success in your chosen career.

However, accomplishments that are for the purpose of gaining praise and recognition from others seldom result in long-term fulfillment. You're left wondering why it doesn’t feel good when it’s something that everyone else wanted for you.

Changing the Definition of Happiness

It’s freeing to realize that success does not guarantee happiness. This realization allows you to begin defining happiness according to your own standards. Rather than focusing solely on your accomplishments for your source of happiness, you can ask yourself the following questions:

What kind of life feels enjoyable to me and that I can live on a daily basis?
What are my values and how can I use them to inform my choices?
What actually brings me joy, calm, or a sense of purpose?

The answers to these questions don’t usually generate a list of achievements worthy of LinkedIn announcements. It's the little, everyday things like having fun with friends, being creative, taking a nap, or making a difference to someone else that come to mind as being important.

Changing The Way You Define Your Value

Since our society is so focused on reaching milestones, you might be tempted to measure yourself based on your salary or your resume. However, your worth is so much more than that. Be honest and think about all the things you offer the world including your charity, sense of humour, courage and willingness to support those you care about.

You give yourself grace when you stop attaching your happiness to external factors and validation from others. Success can still be important but it doesn’t fully define who you are. If this feels like a struggle, you might benefit from working with a mental health counsellor who is trained in healing modalities like EMDR or CBT. Both therapies are beneficial if new habits of thought are not sticking for you.

Here is Your Takeaway

Take this as a gentle reminder that happiness doesn't live at the end of your next accomplishment. If you see it that way, you’ll always feel like you’re striving and never arriving. Allow the daily actions you take that are aligned with your values coupled with activities that nurture your relationships with yourself and others to be the foundation for your well-being.

So, the next time you're on LinkedIn catching up on posts from your network, if you catch yourself playing the comparison game, stop and consider what will nourish you. Call a friend to catch up on what they’ve been up to or take a nap. Either one might be a more authentic way for you to feel happy and grounded.

At the end of the day, we all want success and there’s nothing wrong with setting and achieving goals but don’t tie your happiness to these milestones. Instead, find your happiness in the simple things that allow you to live authentically and in a way that nurtures your soul.

Success doesn’t have to define your happiness. If you’re ready to rewrite the story, Wild Sage Therapy is here to support you every step of the way. Reach out for a complimentary consultation with one of our therapists to get started with your authentic happiness journey.