How Attachment Therapy Helps You Break Old Patterns in Relationships

Have you become aware of any patterns in your relationships? Such as picking partners who are emotionally unavailable, becoming anxious when someone withdraws from you, or keeping people at a distance even through you crave closeness? These behaviour tendencies can be frustrating and hard to make sense of, especially if you want to build strong connections at work, with your friendships or romantic relationships. This is where attachment therapy can be very beneficial.

You might not know it, but a lot of these habits come from your attachment style, which is how you learned to connect with others, rely on them, and feel safe in relationships when growing up. But once you learn about your attachment style, don’t worry that you’re stuck with it. Attachment styles can change with support, understanding and the proper therapeutic tools.

About Attachment Styles

Your attachment style starts to form while you're young, and stays with you throughout adulthood, especially when it comes to your most important relationships. And you may see yourself in one of the following styles:

Anxious attachment: You want to be close with a partner, but you constantly worry that they will leave you or that they don’t really want to be with you.

Avoidant attachment: You treasure your freedom and may withdraw when people get too close.

Disorganized attachment: You may really want to connect with others, but you may also have some fear around getting too close, which can cause a push-pull dynamic.

Secure attachment: You are okay with being close to others and being alone, and you believe that they will be there for you when you need them.

It's important to note that if you have any of the above tendencies, it does not mean that something is "wrong" with you. It just means that in the past, you adapted your behaviour to feel safe in a way that made sense at the time. Attachment therapy helps you recognize these patterns without self judgment. It also helps you to recognize how resourceful you are while learning new skills to support healthier relationships in the future.

How Attachment Therapy Can Help You Change Old Habits

Attachment therapy looks at the deeper emotional reasons behind your reactions. Maybe you freak out when someone is late, or you shut down during an argument, or settle for partners who aren’t compatible. Therapy can help you change these patterns:

1. You discover where your behaviour habits came from.

Attachment therapy encourages you to look at how your early experiences affect how you interact with people today. It's lot easier to change how you react when you know why you do it.

2. You become more aware of and in control of your emotions.

In therapy you learn how to regulate your nervous system and stay grounded, especially if you have a tendency to feel anxious or overwhelmed in relationships. And healing therapies such as CBT, DBT, and somatic therapy can help respond to stressors in a better way.

3. You learn to set boundaries and communicate with others in healthier ways.

People who have attachment issues may be people pleasers, have a tendency to shut down, or avoid difficult conversations altogether. In therapy, you learn how to say what you need, set boundaries, and give other people space to meet you halfway.

4. You develop a relationship with your therapist that helps you heal.

The work done during your therapy sessions is one of the most important features of attachment therapy. When a therapist sees, hears, and supports you, you start to understand what a safe, secure connection feels like. Over time, this helps you trust and develop deeper connections outside of therapy.

5. You begin to make connections with yourself and with other people that feel safe and supportive.

As you get to know yourself better and heal from your past, you start to feel more confident, more grounded, and more like yourself in relationships without worrying about being "not good enough."

Why You Should Heal Your Attachment Tendencies in Your 20s and 30s

In your 20s and 30s, there is so much change going on. You’re dating, breaking up, starting new relationships, changing jobs, making new acquaintances, and maybe thinking about making a long-term commitment. Now is the best time to learn about your attachment style because it affects the quality of your relationships.

With support, you will learn to:

• Pick partners who are emotionally available

• Say what you need to say without fear of rejection

• Stop overthinking or looking for confirmation from others

• Make friendships that are deeper and more stable

• Feel more confident and grounded

These changes won't happen all at once but with time, attachment therapy can have a positive impact on how you feel about love, connection, and your own worth.

Are you ready for the next step?

Our therapists at Wild Sage Therapy work with Millennials and Gen Z to help you develop the safe, satisfying relationships you deserve. They specialize in attachment therapy, EMDR, CBT, and relationship counseling.

With the right help, you can build relationships that are secure, balanced, and emotionally supportive. Reach out today and book a complimentary consultation to get started on your journey.