Relationships and Self-Esteem: How Breakups Can Impact How You See Yourself
Relationships can play a big role in how you see yourself. You might feel confident and secure when things are going well but when things are not going well, it can have the opposite effect. For a lot of people in their 20s and 30s, their relationships and self-esteem are very closely connected.
It's not just about losing your partner when you break up. It often means giving up on plans for the future, routines, and a sense of security. It might cause you to wonder what went wrong, what you could have done differently, or it might trigger thoughts of not being good enough. Even when breaking up is the right thing to do, it can still hurt and make you feel like the rug was pulled out from underneath you.
How Relationships Affect Your Self-Esteem
When your self-esteem is closely linked to your relationship, a breakup can make you doubt yourself. You might replay old conversations in your head, read old text messages, or even compare yourself to your ex's new partner. These thoughts can slowly change how you see yourself and negatively influence your mental well-being, making it harder to trust or feel good about moving forward.
Social media makes it even harder to move forward. Seeing other people's carefully selected relationship photos and videos can make you feel like you're falling behind or not good enough. Even if you're hurting, you might feel like you need to get over it and act as if you’re doing okay when you really aren’t. Keeping your feelings to yourself can make the healing process take longer and push your self-esteem even lower.
The Effect of Breakups on Mental Health
Here are some ways that breakups can hurt your self-esteem and mental health:
• You begin to feel like you don't deserve love
• You doubt your choices or own judgment
• You have trouble trusting when it comes to dating again
• You feel anxious or shy around other people
• You are unsure of who you are outside of the relationship
Breakups can also open up old wounds. A breakup can bring back feelings of being abandoned or emotionally neglected if you have experienced these things before. This just means that your nervous system is reacting to loss and uncertainty in a way that it has learned to deal with these things in the past.
How Breakup Therapy Helps You Heal
During such a time, breakup therapy can be very helpful. Therapy gives you a place to deal with the sadness, anger, confusion, and grief that often come with the end of a relationship. Instead of rushing to feel better, you get to slow down and understand what this relationship meant to you and how it impacted your sense of self.
You can work on rebuilding your self-esteem in breakup therapy so that it comes from within instead of needing validation from outside of yourself. You learn how to deal with negative thoughts about yourself, set better boundaries, and reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been lost in the relationship. This work can help you feel more grounded and confident before you go back out on the dating scene.
Getting Your Confidence Back After a Breakup
Therapy can also help you see where patterns started. You might start to see how your attachment style, or what you believe about love influences who you choose and how you behave in a relationship which allows you make different choices in the future. It's not about blaming yourself or your ex for the breakup. It's about figuring out how the relationship changed you and using that knowledge to grow.
At Wild Sage Therapy, we help Gen Z and Millennial clients deal with breakups, dating challenges and problems in their relationships. We know how hard breakups can be and how they can hurt your confidence and mental health. If a breakup has made you doubt your worth or made it hard to feel like yourself again, getting support can help you heal. Schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists today.