When Dating Feels Like a Chore and Why It’s So Emotionally Exhausting
At some point, dating can start to lose its appeal. You swipe, message, plan, go out and repeat. What used to be fun and feel like it was full of potential now makes you feel emotionally drained. If dating feels like a chore, there is usually a reason for it.
Dating in your 20s and 30s can feel really hard. There’s all this pressure to know what you want, be able to communicate it clearly, stay positive, and get back on your feet quickly when things go wrong. So, it makes sense that your energy and interest starts to wane when you add ghosting, mixed signals, and a never-ending list of first dates. When you keep showing up but don't feel like anyone is really a match, eventually it leads to you feeling emotionally exhausted.
Why Dating Feels Emotionally Draining
Dating can be tiring when it starts to stir up deeper emotions. Getting rejected can make you doubt yourself. And a lack of consistency can make you anxious. When the disappointments keep piling up, you might start to feel numb, cynical, or disconnected over time. That doesn't mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just usually means that your nervous system is worn out.
When dating becomes a performance, it can also feel like work. Maybe you feel like you have to be interesting, attractive, or emotionally available. It takes energy when you put your focus on trying to impress someone else. If you are always pushing yourself beyond what is comfortable for you, you are likely to burn out. So maybe it’s time to take a break.
Signs You Need to Take a Break From Dating
These are some signs that dating is getting too emotionally draining for you.
• You feel tired after dates, even if they go well.
• You don't want to open your dating apps because you’ve stopped believing that you can ever find a partner.
• You feel like you're out of luck when it comes to love and relationships.
• You spend too much time stressing about what the people you’ve dated have said or done.
• You don't feel connected to what you really want.
Dating can feel like work when it stops meeting your needs. You might be dating because you’re single and think you should rather than having a sincere interest in meeting someone interesting. And maybe you still have wounds from past relationships that haven't had time to heal. All of these things can make dating feel like a lot of work.
How to Make Dating Feel Fun Again
Taking a break from dating doesn't mean you’ve given up. Instead, taking a step back can help you redefine what you want, and what kind of connection really matters to you. Taking a break from dating can be an act of self-care that helps boost your sense of self.
Changing the goal can also be helpful. Instead of focusing on finding a long-term partner, make it an experiment in learning more about yourself. We might not always know what we are looking for in a partner and dating provides us with the perfect opportunity to find out what we like and don’t like.
When you change your focus in this way, you become more of an observer rather than someone who might be putting on an emotionally exhausting performance. Also, try paying attention to how dating makes your body feel. Are you nervous, tense, curious, or calm? Your feelings can help you determine why you find dating so emotionally draining.
Therapy can be very helpful when dating makes you feel emotionally drained. A therapist can help you look at your attachment patterns, your past relationships, and the beliefs that come up when you date. It gives you an outlet for dealing with your disappointments, it can boost your confidence and help you learn how to date in a way that feels more aligned and grounded with who you are.
People who feel stuck between wanting to connect with others and being tired of dating often come to Wild Sage Therapy for help. You can work on rebuilding trust in yourself, setting boundaries that protect your energy, and defining what you truly want from life. With support, dating can become something that feels fun and energizing again. Schedule a free consultation with Wild Sage Therapy today to learn more.