How to Make Friends as an Adult - A Guide for Millennials & Gen Z
Have you been wondering how to make friends as an adult but don’t know where to start? The thought of trying to make new friends once you enter adulthood can feel daunting, overwhelming, and even scary. You might be thinking that everyone has their friend ‘group’ already, that people are too busy to make new friends, or that it’s ‘weird’ to try to make new friends in your 20s & 30s. As a therapist, I can tell you that making new friends has been a regular topic in therapy for awhile now (hence this blog post!) and can be a priority through so many phases of life.
Maybe you didn’t really click with anyone during your school years and are ready to build new connections? Or your long term friendships became distant due to life changes? Or maybe you’re wanting to connect with people who live in your area, share similar interests, or are in the same phase of life as you?
Whatever the reason, it’s completely normal to want new friends as an adult - so let’s make it feel that way!
Why can making new friends as an adult seem so hard?
Gone are the days of seeing the same familiar faces every day at school - where it felt like friendships formed so seamlessly. As adults, life can look different. With hybrid work models, busy schedules, shifting priorities, and the lasting impact of the pandemic on social circles, those opportunities to make connections spontaneously seem to be fewer and farther between. The truth is, making new friends can take more intention in adulthood.
But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible - it just helps to know how and where to start!
What are some ways to make new friends?
See if there are any events that interest you on www.meetup.com
Join an organized sport in your area.
Volunteer with an organization you’re passionate about.
Join a walking or running group.
Give Bumble BFF a try.
Join a book club. Check in with your local bookstore, library, or social media groups.
Attend a networking event in your field.
Take a workout or activity-based class.
Bridge the gap with someone you’re already acquaintances with and invite them out!
TIP: Start with the action on this list that seems the least scary. Making new friends can feel vulnerable so please be kind to yourself. The key is to put yourself in situations where you’re around new and different people so you can make more connections (and hopefully meet a new bestie or two!).
Three mindset barriers you might be facing & how to solve them.
Fear of Rejection
Putting yourself out there can feel scary and vulnerable. To start, recognize all of the amazing qualities you have and what you offer in a friendship, while also acknowledging that you’re not going to vibe with every person you meet (and that’s okay!).
Not Enough Time
Life is so busy and it can be hard to find the time or energy to socialize - especially with new people. Ask yourself if making friends is a priority right now, and (if it is) remind yourself why it’s important to you. Try to take advantage of times when you’re less busy and integrate social activities into your calendar that are doable for you.
For example, you might sign up for a drop-in style class as opposed to one you need to commit to weekly so you can be flexible. Or volunteer for a one time event rather than something that would require a long-term commitment.
Shame or Embarrassment About Trying to Make Friends
At some point, you might’ve internalized the message that trying to make new friends somehow makes you less-than. But honestly…how else are we supposed to meet new people if it isn’t through work or school? As a society, we really need to let go of the idea that intentionally seeking connection is ‘desperate’. There are many valid reasons you might want to expand your social circle at any stage in life - and not a single one is something to feel ashamed of.
This mindset is only adding to the growing isolation so many of us feel. Try to challenge this belief and remind yourself that friendships always start somewhere.
Final thoughts
While making new friends as an adult can take more effort and intention, it is totally possible and genuinely worth it. If you’re looking for support along the way, our team of therapists at Wild Sage Therapy specialize in helping Millennials & Gen Z navigate life with clarity and confidence. We’re in our 20s & 30s too, so we get how confusing and overwhelming these years can be. Book a free consultation with one of our therapists to see how we can support you on your journey.